HEARTC♡RE

Thursday October 1st is coming to an end, which means were closing day 1 of Q4. Earlier this week when I realized we only had 3 months of the year left I felt so disappointed and regretful. I was looking forward to 2026 like I had never looked forward to a year before. I had so many high hopes and expectations, and now 75% of the year is gone and not only have my goals not been reached, I feel further away from them. Quite literally, fully responsible for not advancing - I can't even blame life or unexpected circumstances. 

The only thing I feel different today vs earlier this week is that I feel a little hopeful. . . okay not hopeful at all, but positive in what is to come the end of the year and what has happened. Because naturally I am so grateful for every day of life - health, family, friends, relationships, experience, etc. It's been great year so far, it just hasn't necessarily been a successful one. 

This week in photos:

1. Post eye appointment Krispy Kreme taste test - Biscoff donut, new Cinnamon roll, and original glazed. Also, it was National Coffee day so the small coffee (black) was free. 

2. Los Hambrientos weekly dinner - this week was El Rey del Taco (10/10). I couldn't have a margarita because I wanted to take a break from the alcohol. Paco ordered one and it was soooooo good - strawberry flavored. I had the carnitas taco plate - which came with 3 HUGE tacos, topped with guacamole, and served with a side of frijoles charros. 

3. $90 Costco haul for the week. 

THIS LIBRA NEEDS TO GO TO THERAPY

Anyways, the amount of self-regulating that I have had to do in 2026 is unmatched to previous years. I can't say I have a mental illness, I also can't say I don't have a mental illness. 

Maybe I am just hormonal, I think that's what it is - and it makes me feel crazy. I have moments where I feel like I must be pregnant because I am so out of control... and even when I have moments where I know I - biologically - cannot be pregnant, I take a pregnancy test because with my luck I'm either the next virgin birth or a sperm from last year clung onto my labia and finally made its way in. 

Regardless, I need to go to therapy but I rather spend my money on marga-therapy (margarita therapy) right now. The last time I checked in with a counseling group, it was going to be $135 a session. I really did not want to start with (a well referred) therapist when I knew it was not going to be financially sustainable for me. I guess once a month therapy is better than no therapy? .. Okay, what I will do is look for a more affordable therapist in the next couple weeks and hopefully get something on the schedule. I am long overdue for professional help. 

In other news! My birthday is one week from now - excited about turning 32!! Stressed about how to spend my weekend, because I haven't gathered my thoughts on HOW EXACTLY I want to spend it but there's an outline. I just need to confirm said outline. 

THE NAILS HAVE HILLS

What I do know, is that I am going to be serving my nail tech, DN, with a lawsuit this week. She went on maternity leave, and I did not listen to her on booking with the salon owner Tony, and I did a walk in and was BOTCHED. I honestly can't even say, and I am sorry I ever did say, that I am chill because I was having an internal meltdown (SELF REGULATING though) as the nail tech was working, I can't remember exactly what DN does but it was definitely not what this lady was doing. Wrong techniques, wrong products, wrong angles, wrong wrong wrong. And you know I am not gonna say anything and pretend I am happy - they actually weren't THAT bad (at least on my left hand), but the cherry on top was toooo much clear coat so I have small hills at the tip of my right side nails. I believe I will be going tomorrow and just ask to have it smoothed out.... or should I go somewhere else and get a completely different set? The lady did just try the best she could. And she said so.

Even my fingers dried shriveled up through the process.

SHE'S KYLIE JENNER (WITH COUPONS)

Speaking of BOTCHED ... I got my first lip filler last week!! I have been thinking about it for the longest, but when Karen mentioned her and her cousin were chatting about it too - I was like LETS DO IT. I was able to take the plunge because I had an upcoming Botox appointment and did a mini consult with my injector. Then there was a Juvederm filler $75 BOGO gift card, then I have $20 in ALLE points, then I did a surprise ALLE scan and got $50 off!!! and my family (jokingly but not jokingly) was requested to all provide $50 each for my birthday lip donation. All aligned for me to say YES TO THE LIPS. 

So I look in the mirror and I am like OMG LOVE!! Then I am like OMG WTF DID I DO!! Rinse and repeat!! I have a week or two left until all the filler settles and I can see my permanent (1 year or so) results. I think I will do a separate post on my lips - more to come!! Oh also, they are not botched... or at least I don't think so. I just get thoughts that I am botched, but it's because I have anxiety. . or maybe they're just normal thoughts you go through as your swelling goes down!

DUCK DUCK GO

As I was writing this post, I realized it was a very DUCK themed weekend. Which reminded me of all the drinks that I have had, which are in turn causing me to gain weight. It's been a very heavy caloric month. Note: I also need to go to therapy for my intense and all consuming fixation on my weight and eating habits. I truly don't think I will ever know freedom. I hope I can look back at this post one day and know I beat the psychosis, but the future is bleak. I truly believe my food noise and whatever else that carries is an illness/addiction for the rest of my life - and if so, I HAVE accepted that, I just need to figure out how to cope and live with it. Back to DUCKS though... have you ever had a soft serve margarita?? I've had 3 the month of September and they were GLORIOUS each time. Highly recommend. I also got a little bouquet of flowers at like 12AM at a local Mexican bar. The kind where a lady comes and is selling them to... couples she spots (*eyes emoji*). I told my company - NO NO BOUQUETS THIS TIME - and when the lady approached us... and I saw the glowing duck... I said "I'll have this one". Geniuses! Did you know... it also comes with a snack pack?? Oh my god - GLORIOUS x2. I swore I took a photo, but I could not find it. The little zip lock bag packed tightly around the stems came with Queso Ruffles, a nut mix, mini twix, mini snickers, starbursts, and x2 mints. I am grateful for all the new experiences September has brought me. Maybe more on that later.. maybe. 

The duck gods treated me well this weekend.

Until next time... (I promise I will look for a therapist, but note I am also hyped on caffeine).

 My head is pounding from too much screen time today, but I must get this off my chest.

I was mourning the loss of my love for tiki drinks today. The only one that comes to my mind that wil make me think twice is the piña colada. . . 

If you don't know what a tiki drink it's a tropical cocktail, you know the ones: lots of rums, juices, syrups, fun garnishes, vibey cups. Oh my gosh I miss you tiki drinks. I think I was completely turned off from them when I went through my "prioritize blood sugar at any cost" phase. And now they're just a lil too sweet and thiyck for me. . . and yet, my body yearns for a neon colored swirly straw . . . an umbrella . .. a fruit wedge, a sunset gradient, a hollowed coconut . . . don't even get me started on the guy who carries all the tiki drinks on his back: 

1. I think I only lost my affection for tiki drinks in the casual drinks scenario, usually opting for a vodka soda or if I am already two vodka sodas in, vodka neat (chilled, duh). Once you go vodka soda... or hear me out - vodka water - it's hard to casually fuck with a Mai Tai. 

1a. that means if I could magically afford a tropical vacation - someone's gonna have to let me hit their insulin pen. I am going to wake up with a killer hangover and find 4 discarded pineapple cores beside me.

2. If the tiki drink sounds worth it enough (a piña colada usually is if I am feeling frisky...) - I'll start with that and then switch over to the friendly vodka for the rest of the night (it's like a lil treat).

3. I feel like it's a curve, a boomerang, like a lot of things in life. You love the tiki drinks your early 20s. Drinking is new, you want the coolest thing on the menu.... but the love falters (you become a lil health conscious, you refine your pallet, etc.) for two decades... 

but suddenly you're fifty and fabulous and that's all you're going for, please see my chart below.

Let me know your thoughts!! Do you love a tiki drink on the regular? 

PS. I don't think tiki drinks are unrefined - NEVER - we just start going for something else as the pallet settles. 

PPS. Or is it that at 50 you can finally afford extravagant tropical vacations??

PPPS. Also I have bad news for the public and for my liver, one thing that always saved me from indulging too much is that I only do liquor... or did liquor... now my affection for a Mexican lager is growing and ... and now I drink them with gusto, not with the "I guess this is all there is" energy of before.

shit. 

PPPPS. Anyways anyways, add owning a tiki bar to the list of Melissa's business dreams. Right behind my #1 dream of being a Checkers proprietor.