HEARTC♡RE

WOW! It's Sunday night, technically Monday morning, and this afternoon I came home from a retreat! It was through Legacy's, the young adult ministry of Saint Thomas, annual retreat. I am a regular at the weekly meetings. We're on a bit of hiatus as our leaders, Ron and Laura have relocated in another state (miss you). We will have new coordinators, but it will resume in the fall :)


Ron and Laura flew in from Pennsylvania for the weekend and I am so grateful for all their work and effort, thank you. :)

I think this was the best retreat of my adult life, but in the most subtle and quiet way. . . .  really, what a blessing this weekend was.

We met at the church as normal, at 5pm to carpool to our cabin in Ellijay (North GA). It was literally the best cabin ever that (during free time) I day dreamt of renting it myself! It was three levels, very spacious, a beautiful view, perfect layout for lounging, and with some awesome amenities like a pool and foosball table and everyone's favorite: hot tub *cue sunglasses emoji* Pretty much we could not have asked for a better location (yay @ Laura's eye).







The retreat theme was Bible Bootcamp and the focus was the Bible. We did it a bit different than usual this time and our sessions consisted of a lecture video (more interesting than it sounds promise!), a workbook to follow along with, and then a discussion. The program is called "Unlocking the mystery of the Bible." The workbook focused in on the 14 narrative books of the bible and how they come together to tell Jesus' story. Apart from the workbook, we had a super helpful and detailed timeline of these events, along how they compared to secular history, who was the world super power, etc.



I really enjoyed for a number of reasons. The main one is that I think I am a detailed person when it comes to learning. Example, if I learn how to do a problem on the calculator I am not comfortable with the material until I know what it is the calculator is doing, or there are people who can cut corners in writing a paper with just a little knowledge of the topic but I have to take my sweet time reading the material to even come up with a thesis. This isn't always a quality I like about myself, but anyways. I think there is a desire in my heart to dive into the Bible and get to know God through his word. But it's not uncommon for people to struggle with reading, I think we all agree it isn't the simplest "book." So what better way to read it than to understand the overarching story as a way to understand how it all fits and comes together. It is such a valuable tool and we kept all our materials and I definitely intend to take advantage of it. I really recommend it if you want to begin to read the Bible and just don't know where to start or how to get through it.

When I arrived on Friday evening, I just had a feeling in every fiber of my body that something was stirring, something was different. I can only describe it as knowing that this was the beginning of a transition in my life. It was the beginning of the conversion of my heart. I am speaking of it very factually and without a doubt because it will be of no use to me if I write with "I think" and "I hope". I will believe in it (positive thinking :) ).  I think I am just a warm person and in the last three of four years I have not allowed myself to build a strong and intimate relationship with God. When I got there on Friday I just knew it was time and this was the moment. I prayed all weekend for God to soften my heart and to help me tear down my walls. I prayed for vulnerability and for my own silence to listen to God. And of course one of the ultimate goals is to live a Christ like life and I know it won't be one bit of easy. I want to give all of myself to Him and follow His will for my life. I know I will struggle . . . but I am tired, so tired, of living a life without a real and passionate relationship with God. And I am not writing all this as a way to be "Holier than thou", but because I AM SO RELIEVED. I am exhausted.. . so exhausted of mediocrity. I feel free. I am praying that with the coming days, months, that I just arm myself with all necessary tools to succeed and have faith in my own strength.

I can't even say if reaching this point on Friday was hard or easy, because I felt it came so random (for me anyways, not God) but I felt Him calling and I didn't fight. I just prayed. Which believe it or not (believe it) I rarely do. I have pride, guilt, shame, an endless list really, that prevents me from building that relationship I know I yearn for deep within. Every routine of this retreat was extra ordinary for me. When we did a Rosary for night prayer, I think for me it was the most beautiful in such a long time, I did not want it to end (how often does that happen?). I really took advantage of journaling (I normally would have day dreamed half the time) and expressed myself and listened intently.

I think community was a very big word for me this retreat. I just felt it as a personal recurring theme. I am thankful for every single person on that retreat and if you're reading this, please know that each and every one of you contributed in a special way this weekend and it in no way would have been the same without you. I also want to thank (is this my acceptance speech, what's going on?) every person that continuously or often prays for me. Even when I have been the furthest I can be from God, I always feel His presence and know that all good things are by Him. And to know that there are people who are praying for me, not matter what, overwhelms me. Really so thankful, because no matter where I've been I have such a strong community behind me and I always have. I have never felt abandoned or alone, and again I'm thankful. This is a lot, but I really just feel this in my heart to share.

To be honest, I am not sure if I am happy or not (and this is hard for me to share publicly when I don't even know the answer, which probably then answers the question) but I have not felt joy in a long time. Whether it is true or not or makes sense or not, since high school, I have always associated the word "joy" as a as a state that can only be reached when you are with God and following his path for you. Happiness, for me, is only a temporary emotion. Where as joy, is a semi-permanent state of your heart and you can be other emotions during, but regardless of them, your heart will be full of Joy because you know God is with you and has a plan.

Like I said earlier, the tools we were provided for included a timeline. On the timeline you saw the shifts in the main characters of God's story, whether they were the patriarchs, kings, prophets, ruling nations, judges, just characters and entities. There was constant shifting (okay by hundreds of years but their scale is small on my pamphlet ;P) and it is how I am visualizing these moments in my life and those to come.

The only "fear" I have is sounding too cheesy or eye roll worthy. . . . but if really that is the worse that can happen to me (as opposed to all the treasures of heaven). . . . .. . . . I'll take my chances.

Thank you.

All done!! So good! Now I know why you give kids warm milk before bed

Currently watching the London 2012 Olympics. Mexico against South Korea. I haven't really watched an Olympics before, but i'm genuinely excited this year. I also heard One Direction are performing at the end, not sure. *penalty*

Also, my phone is still having a hard time charging. It is not fun, always have to be wiggling the cord. *S Korea misses shot*

Last night after bible study, I had a fairly long conversation with A, about my relationship with God (As you can tell by my last update) *S Korea definitively has the upper hand in the game thus far :(* It was such a. . . relieving talk. He made me feel so much better!! I feel like God and I are friends again ^.^ *Mexico keeps losing the ball to SK* Again I feel so much better. *2nd corner kick for SK*

Something he told me: You have to pray a lot to come to love it. I was trying to do the opposite. I was trying to some how come to love prayer then pray. & it's not that I don't love prayer, it's just something I struggle with. I have trouble finding my words, concentrating, and also listening. *0-0*

About vocation, you can try to stall and tell God "later" but no matter how long you take whether it's 5 years or 40 years. You will end up to were you're suppose to be.

Discerning tip: Pros & Cons list

Marriage- Pros                                                 Cons
               Children                                           Children Stress
               Husband                                           Husband frustrations
               Sex (in marriage obvi)(let's be honest) Bills
               Having a home                                  Dealing w/ rude ppl
               Seeing family                                    High gas prices
               Career                                              Deal w/ teenage crisis
               Opportunity to be an ex.                     Worrying about money
               Listen to music                                  Stressful word problems
               Buy stuff                                           Harder to attend daily mass
               Decorate home
               Go back to school
               Raise kids
               Soccer mom
               Cooking and cleaning
               Take pictures
               Blog  
               Try new recipes
               Take vacations
               Meet people
               Travel
               Exposed to latest ideas
               Watch the latest movies
               See your friends
               Watch people grow old
               Inspire people


ReligiousLife- Pros                                               Cons
                       Constant Prayer                          Too many girls. . :P
                       Sister community                        Isolation
                       No Bills                                      Far from family
                       Many spiritual children                 No wordly things
                       Order/Daily sched                       Sweating in habits
                       HABITS HABITS HABITS           Sacrificing luxuries
                       Charity
                       Vows
                       Chanting
                       Daily Mass
                       Priest on hand
                       Prayer for everyone
                       Serenity
                       Gardening/Cooking for everyone
                        No rude people
                     
                                                       *Will Keep Updating*

badwolfcomplex:

keanuforever:

angelasoup:

There’s a video of Gloria Steinem defending free access to contraception that’s been circulating. Here is a quote:

“Whether or not women can determine when and whether to have children is the single biggest element in whether we’re healthy or not, whether we’re educated or not, how long our life expectancy is, whether we can be active in the world or not.”

Here is why this is problematic, FOR WOMEN.

What that quote right there says, out of context? I can get on board with that.  But let’s revisit something that I thought was pretty common knowledge, but apparently has been forgotten by anything influenced by the sexual revolution (oh I mean everything in society): Sex naturally leads to pregnancy.  

I know, I know: Go back to the 19th Century you Bible thumping woman oppressor! Not everyone believes in your religion! But hey, the premise that the natural end of sex is pregnancy is not a primarily religious one.  IT’S SCIENCE. IT’S PHILOSOPHY.  In the animal kingdom, mating occurs in order to further the species.  When a male anything inserts his reproductive stuff into a female of the same anything, a new anything is conceived.  I don’t think this is too controversial.  

Real talk with Aristotle: the four causes, anyone?  You can analyze the nature of anything by looking at the four causes: you have the material (duh, from what it’s made), the formal (the form it takes), the efficient (what brought it about), and lastly the final cause, the telos, the purpose of the thing.  For what the thing was intended.  The cool part is, they’re all related.  My stapler’s telos is to hold my papers together; that affects its material and formal cause.  The need for my papers to stay together is the efficient cause and the source of its final cause.  Sex’s telos is to bond with another andcreate offspring - look at the material causes in sex: PENISES! DELIVERING SPERM! VAGINAS! CARRYING EGGS! That, friends, is a recipe for a baby.  

So blah blah blah fast forward to now and we have the contraception issue on the table.  Contraception attempts to detour around that final cause of sex.  Ok, fine, there are so many more implications of that to go into, but here’s the thing: we can’t change the nature of sex any more than we can change the nature of eggs and sperm.  So while you might have sex without the thought of pregnancy, indeed while trying to thwart pregnancy, you are still engaging in an act into which pregnancy is written in the coding.  

So back to the original quote.  Steinem wants women to be able to choose if and when to get pregnant, and so do I.  But to say that we need contraception to do that is to say that there is something wrong with our female natures.  It says that women cannot be healthy, cannot be educated, cannot be active in society the way we are naturally.  In order to do those things, we must take pills.  We must be injected with hormones.  We must have plastic and metal devices surgically implanted in us, in order to be “free” and “functioning” women.  And on this, I call bullshit.  

And the best part is that I’m not saying that EVERYONE SHOULD BE PREGNANT ALL THE TIME EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY.  And although abstinence is one of those taboo words right now, right up there with “moist” and “Voldemort” (is moist just me?), what I will say is that we don’t have to be slaves to our appetites.  This is not the suppression of sexuality; it’s the acknowledgement that sometimes we don’t indulge in things because we want to avoid the consequences.  I mean, I want to eat a bowl of bacon for breakfast every morning, but that inevitably leads to heart attack and obesity, if not vomiting, and so I don’t.  And sure, who doesn’t want to have sex?  But if that leads to (indeed,intends) pregnancy, and I don’t want that, then I don’t have do it.  

I get that the oppression of women because of the fact that they bore children was rampant at one time (and still occurs even now) and is severely unjust, and I don’t wish that for my gender.  But I will not be told my natural body and it’s capabilities is a hindrance to my functioning in society.  I will not entertain the lie that I have to alter myself if I want to get anywhere.  A woman scorned because of her pregnancy is an outrage, but it’s the scorning, and not the pregnancy, that is the problem. 

You are my queen.

I was going to bold the best parts, but then I realized that was the whole thing. Well said.

omg all the things

First, cool Bible verse to share.




Oooh la la wasn't that beautiful! This is my new favorite verse!


Yesterday, (it was adoration) I was thinking about my last 3 years of high school (senior now) & I was looking back and it dawned on me that the Lord has been with me every second of my every step. He has protected me from harm from the beginning. It's funny because I already "knew" that. You know? God is always with you. But He has really and in all honestly never let me fall. & those times I tripped He always got me back up. I close my eyes and think how blessed I am. How blessed I am that He let me get to know Him early in life, every single person He has put in my life has been amazing and He did it because He loves me. Never has He left me alone, and I have ignored Him. I hear Him calling my name, but I don't listen. He never let's go. I forget that & I let go, I get unhappy and empty and I wonder why. I don't call on Him when I need someone to talk to or just want to have a conversation with. But God deserves so much more from me! I hope I don't let Him down soon.

Still His out pour of blessings is so so great. I truly feel like I am one of the most blessed in the world. God am I your favorite??

Much love, & I know God doesn't have favorites :))
Melissa O.

I'm a little addicted to a little game we all love to call Bakery Story! take a look at my snazzy shop:

Beginning

NOW! :D I'm still 1 level under my YM :(

Haha, cute huh?

I'm a little stressed, not really but anxious & nervous. Finals/Midterms are too soon. This week will go by very fast!

I asked myself last night, what makes us have a longing to make our relationship grow with Christ? & why don't others who are very aware of Him not long? I'm NO WHERE near perfect nor am I completely satisfied with my prayer life, but I always have a longing no matter what. & I read a little blog post on prayer. Which i'd like to say is my biggest weakness. & when I do have a conversation, or try, I feel like it's empty. Not that He's not there or listening, but like there's no passion or true sense of who He is behind it. It makes me feel like poo .Am I allowed to say that, poo? well yeah poo. & like Father was saying at Latin mass, there's a difference b/w happiness and joy. I couldn't figure out why I felt in the dark or why I felt incomplete and empty, when my life was perfectly fine and happy. Nothing was different. But now I know that being deprived of God's grace and suppressing the longing definitely takes a toll on my life. Why let myself be down, when I know the problem. I know God wants to hear from me too, & I can't wrap my head around the fact that i'm not letting Him in.

Saint Olivia: 
Why is she here? Well because. . . she's my confirmation saint! Although i found her b/c of a silly reason, I could never not love her. I love her!! 


She was 13 years old born around the 9Th century. She was beautiful and born to a Sicilian noble family. She was kidnapped by Muslims and taken to North Africa. Her kidnappers were so impressed with her beauty and virtue that they allowed her to live in a cave as a hermit (early version of a nun). She soon started to heal the sick and some Muslims started to convert to Christianity. Eventually she was captured and tortured. She was suppose to be burned but the flames didn't touch her. The finally decapitated her, which killed her. She is also the patron saint of music. 


It's so weird b/c whenever i invison her i imagine her older. Maybe it's b/c her faith seems strong to me that I imagine her older. I dunno. Anyways. Saint Olivia, Pray for us!
-Melissa Ortega



PS: Yes, now there's a St. of the month. lol

Hello, my name is Melissa & i love our God. 

I am exhausted. . .EXHAUSTEDD! i really should be resting right now. . . but i love blogging.
This weekend we had our second confirmation retreat led by us, mini CORE (peer ministers), and well although it wasn't as stressyy as last years, every retreat is a bit nerve-wracking. Our retreat leader was Madison, which did an amazing job like she's a natural! So we (mini's) went up to the retreat center on Friday to prepare for Sat/Sun. We practiced a skit & i got paint all over me  -_-
The teens got here Saturday morning. I won't go into detail of the retreat but main points were- letting God light the fire in your heart, How to keep it a flame, what keeps it burning, how to keep it burning, and how to get rid of the ice in our hearts. ALL of the mini's doing a talk were really good. So proud of them. There was a fire on ALL night also. Representing the fire in OUR hearts. I was a small group leader. I had- Angelica H. Alex S. & Arturo L.

This weekend, well Friday & Saturday I went on a mini nun run with my good friends- Yuri, Karen, Deepa & now Clo. 


we went to the Dominican Sisters of Saint Cecilia in Nashville! it was amazing.
 


Their way of life is so interesting i'm going to give a run through of my weekend there, but first let me say that this does not mean i am going to become a sister tomorrow. . . .or ever. It just means that I am open, interested, and informed of what God's will for me might be.


Let's see 0.0 - I love thier way of life. Last time I came in February, i wanna say it was my favorite although we only spent 3 hrs there :o. I'm extremely happy that my beloved youth minister Deepa decided to take us to Nashville again AND they're teachers and have a school nearby Atlanta.


Short & Sweet: we arrived in Nashville around 12, had some lunch and got to the conventa little before 1. We were early and do we took a nap in our beyond amaazingly decorated, vintage rooms!


 these are gorgeous! I <3 lots!


& after our quick rest we went outside and mingled with some of the sisters. Let me tell you I only have a couple of their names memorized for example Sister Cecilia Rose. And I cannot and i mean cannot remember their names! only their baptismal name and i only know 3! Afterwards we put on our tennis shoes and came outside to meet up with the rest of the sisters. We started off with a rosary walk. We split into 2 groups and made 2 lines and prayed the rosary while we sped walked around their campus which is beautiful btw. & to say the truth I wasn't really concentrating on the rosary :o I was looking around and the weather was amazing. So after rosary walk we did recreation! whoo!! we played soccer and ultimate Frisbee with the sisters. It was beyond fun! watching them run with their habits was adorable. 


then we had a tour of the MOTHERHOUSEE! how special is that??






afterwards we had some free time. Trust me that was used for a quick nap! We then returned to a room and had a talk on prayer, one of the sisters gave us each a book about prayer with a certain saint. I had St. Francis of Assisi. God knows i tell yah. The first section was about our journey. AH. just what I needed. I learned an awesome prayer. Goes a little something like this: 
Most high and glorious God, enlighten the darkness of my heart.
Give me true faith, certain hope, and perfect charity, sense and knowledge, Lord, to carry out your holy and true command.
Isn't that great?? Ah. so perfect for my life right now.
Then we had prayer/vespers/adoration/meditation at the chapel. 


We had dinner with some of the sisters: Pizza, chips, etc. Best Pizza ever ;). We ate outside on the cutest decorated little table.
Did some spiritual reading & played an awesome game of headbandz with the sisters. Funniest things ever. Had a blast. 
















Then it was time for bed at 8. Long day the next day :o


next day: 6 AM. 
WAKEE UPPP! and time for morning prayers & mass. 
I could bearly sing because they sing so high :o but i tried. 
after THAT we had breakfast with 2 other sisters. I had a cherry pastry & milk. YUMMMYY. 


WE DID DUTIES!!!! AH. i really don't know exactly why it was just amazing but I swept two dining rooms a small and a half a large room. Moped one, then polished silverware. The sisters do this in silence & for some reason cleaning has never been so magical.


Cookie Decorating time! The sisters were having a Spanish night last night in honor of World Youth Day that was in Madrid a little while ago. we decorated cookies in what was the logo of WYD: