HEARTC♡RE

Still logging on MyFitnessPal (add me @ melissa_ortegar)!

So I last blogged Tuesday, a little over a week ago. That Thursday morning Yuri and I drove up to Winston Salem, NC to visit one of our best friends! We came in with the mindset to not pig out as much, but at the same time I hadn't seen my friend since last year so I decided I was going to enjoy myself if anything came up 🌝.
We didn't do as bad as we thought. I think the extent of it was a large McDonalds big mac meal. . . . too many cheese and crackers? of course eating outside my hours- oH AND for me almost a full bottle of a LARGE wine and about five shots of vodka. . .  definitely not my proudest moment but I was chill. I knew I wasn't going to drink for a long time so I think I just took advantage of being off the horse (yeah, don't do that). We were there for four days and when I came home I think I was just up a pound 🙃.

We drove back down Monday and got home around 8pm. That night and all of Tuesday and Wednesday I felt SO shitty and depressed. There was just like a dark cloud over me and I felt so SAD. For now it's gone, even though it was not provoked by anything I'm going to make sure I don't get into a funk like that again- I'm being proactive 😉

Food wise I need to step it up. Earlier this week I went grocery shopping and I just got some essentials. Eggs, cereal, oatmeal, whole grain bread, turkey, milk, etc etc (don't know why I felt compelled to share something everyone does regardless lmao??). Last week I was eating the Strawberry Special K that was already at my house, but I preferred the fruit and berry so I got that. Verdict? It was just way sweeter than I remember it. Blegh. Today I sprinkled some on top of my oatmeal, since on its own it is very very plain.


But for example- yesterday I had a banana, oatmeal, yogurt, grapes, and berries. For dinner I went to Burger King (mostly for my siblings) and I had a chicken salad (ok..?) then I WAS LIKE WELL I'LL ORDER MEDIUM ONION RINGS AND BUFFALO SAUCE TO DIP THEM IN SINCE I STILL HAVE CALORIE WIGGLE ROOM *sigh*. Thankfully (lol) I ate about.... five.... before I was like okay no (my whole life always boils down to: I could be doing so much better).

post workout

We were walking three miles last week and now we're doing four- it's just a little extra but you can feel it. Plus the trail is beginning to feel shorter (whew). I am jogging much more than before, but I want to improve. Since we do this daily I'm sure I'll be where I want to be sooner than later. Today, I went to the store and bought some new sports bras, socks (hehe), and a yoga mat! I've wanted one for a while, but just for the sake of having one. Now, I find myself wanting to do some basic workouts at home but I don't want to be directly on the hard floor. So I'm excited to put it to good use (i'll let y'all know how it goes).

So I was like "ehhh" 🤭 about saying my weight because that's how shocked I was about it (but let's be real here I saw it coming). ANYWAYS, I really don't care because what changes if I say it? May 8th I was legit mortified and had a text breakdown with Yuri, I weighed 201.6lbs 🤮.  Today, June 1st I weighed 192.2lbs. Even though it's been three weeks it feels like nothing has changed? I mean its only 9lbs so no big changes will show but I have to remind myself 9lbs is SOMETHING.

Still doing what I mentioned in the last post.
I (re)downloaded MyFitnessPal and I'm counting calories, currently staying under 1600 cal. It's supposed to be the deficit necessary for a 2 pound a week loss, but an amount I'm comfortable consuming nonetheless.
I feel like my weight was slowly decreasing but this morning it went back up. Although I definitely don't eat like I did before, I have been giving myself more leeway then I did the first week in terms of food and I missed some timings this weekend. I'm going to return to that discipline and hopefully see some change. I still feel/look the same, but my skin has gotten better!

I'm also logging my exercise! Which I said would be the most difficult part.


Since Thursday, Yuri and I have been on the Silver Comet Trail walking about three miles everyday. We're just getting started, but the motivation and companionship is there so I am optimistic. We started off walking and now that we're getting into the groove of things we're beginning to jog some parts. I can't wait to get more stamina and confidence and pull out the bikes!
Although we don't actually run out of things to talk about, only so much happens in less than 20hrs (& we still text during those hours lol). We decided to spice things up by doing a lil duo bookclub. We're picking a book and reading a chapter before meeting so we can have something of substance to discuss. We decided on The Alchemist, but it doesn't have chapters so. . . . we'll figure it out. I read it in high school, but I want to read it with a different perspective. Yuri has read a bit of it so she'll get to complete it.


Overall, I'm a little blegh for the small mistakes I've made- but taking it as a helpful lesson!
- Melissa 💖

Last week's post focused more on the reasons for tackling my weight, rather than the nitty gritty.

So a peek into my problem areas, diet change, and goals.

What I did (majorly) wrong:

First of all my sleep schedule was so off. I fell asleep around early morning and woke up mid afternoon. The times weren't exactly consistent and this led to erratic meal times.

Thankfully I don't eat out as much as I used to (my weight has been rising for the last several years). I have definitely been eating more of my mom's cooking. I do think my portion sizes fluctuate with the day's mood. After watching videos of other people's struggle with their weight, something very obvious dawned on me. Although I had relatively normal portioned and healthy dinner meals, I binge ate multiple times a week and always late at night. This ranged from a large meal from McDonalds, a pack (or two) of instant noodles, or just snacks like chips, candy, soda (all at once).


Apart from late night binging- when I do go out to eat or there is something extra yummy around I have, more often than not, a hard time controlling myself from overeating. I just keep at it.
*I don't suffer from Binge Eating Disorder*

Other than necessary day to day activity, I am very inactive! I spend about 8-10 hours just sitting on my bed (sleep not included!).

I hate (now past tense?) drinking water. It is so bad that I couldn't even tell when I was thirsty anymore because I was perpetually thirsty! I consumed a too little amount of liquids, and when I did it was probably a soda or Powerade/Gatorade.

If y'all gagged at everything you just read, no worries I was gagging as I wrote too!!

What I'm doing to lose weight and kick these deadly habits to the curve:

Basics: I am drinking only water and lots of it. WOW *pat on the back*. . .  yeah I know. But to me this is a pretty big deal. . I have drank more water this week than I probably have in the last month. It finally feels and tastes refreshing, maybe it's the summer heat ;).
*drinks water for one day- why isn't my face completely acne free??*

The foundation of it all is Intermittent Fasting. Many of you have probably heard of this before, but if you haven't- there are two types 5:2 and 16:8. 5:2 refers to restricting your calorie intake for two days out of the week and eating what is normally recommended the other five days. 16:8 is fasting for sixteen hours and having an eight hour window where you consume food normally. I'm doing the latter. I began with a window from 1pm to 8pm, then 1pm to 9pm because I'm an idiot and didn't realize that till 8pm is only seven hours.
I recently changed the window to 11:30am to 7:30pm as my sleep schedule has adjusted and I am getting hungry earlier. I also eat dinner with my family by 6:30pm so it's nice to not have to wait until 1pm the next day to eat again (18+ hrs).


As mentioned before, you are able to eat normal during intermittent fasting, but since I am guilty of overeating I am concentrating on portion control. I am not anal about low calorie intake since I haven't decided to implement it officially, but I am conscious about it and cutting what I can. I also haven't limited carbs, but when you take into consideration the aforementioned it's not very difficult to exclude them or eat less of.

Without diving into the physiological benefits and changes, fasting for me automatically eliminates my late night binge eating. I do catch myself scrolling through pictures of food on reddit, but otherwise, knowing you're not eating at those times really helps you concentrate on what's necessary and not whats in the fridge for you to grab. Because I'm making an effort to eat smaller portions within that time frame, I've eliminated fatty and sugary snacks that would just make it all counterproductive.

What is SUPER surprising about all of this is that fasting has been so easy for me (again it's been about a week doe!) I never imagined that I'd be so okay about not having that glass bottle Coke, my favorite sour watermelon gummies, thai tea, a quick burger when I was hungry, or instant noodles (okay I did shed a tear while I stared at the freshly stocked aisle and put back a bowl I hadn't tried before . . . ugh why am I walking back through these dark moments in my life). I do have the random thought here and then just to grab something sugary or sweet, but nothing close to a craving and certainly not enough to eat or buy it.

So, if I've been able to defeat food. . . everything else should be a piece of cake right?
WRONG. 
Exercising is going to be a real bitch. I've done two days so far . . . and it's just so hard to get out and imagine going out there and doing even basic walking for an hour (okay this sounds pretty silly) but I just know this is going to be my biggest struggle *sigh*. I will definitely keep updates on how THAT goes. If I don't figure it out soon, and there's not much to figure out but put on those running shoes and walk down the street, it's really going to hinder me from reaching my goals.

And speaking about my goals:

Again, I'M NEW. I'm not 100% sure how my body is taking all of this and what my results will be for the first few weeks. I'm in a state of trial and error so I'll be experimenting to figure out what works best for me and what is realistic to achieve. (10-15lbs this month? is that to brave?)

But anyways, I need to be sexy confident in a bathing suit next summer! 
💖

I wanted to let everyone know there is a new member of the family!

She is a dwarf bunny named. . . well she doesn't have a name even though it's been about three or four weeks. Can't decide! I think we're leaning towards Zoe.

She was so tiny when we got her and she's growing each day. She's quite the mischievous character, hoping this is just a childish quirk she'll grow out of.

1st day home- noticeably bigger now

She is NOT in a cage and has free roam of the bedroom and hallway. She loves getting under the furniture and I do all I can to keep her out each day. Every few days I have to alter the designs because she finds a way in (we're also not very good at keeping it tight).

I know she's made herself right at home as even her first day free roaming she just plopped on her back. Letting their guard down is a good sign that a bunny is comfortable. It meant so much to me and now I can't get enough of her laying about.

She is really good about using her litter box to pee, poop is mostly contained 😉. When it gets a little out of hand I know cleaning is past due.
💖

Since I posted on buying my Monsta X tickets, it seems only right to do the same for BTS.

They went on sale Saturday, May 5th. My sister is the one who was really killing for these tickets. Unfortunately, there is no Atlanta date (but there are FOUR, 4, CUATRO LA shows).
We were set on buying tickets for Newark. Then we could take the chance to visit Times Square, but more importantly they have the LINE FRIENDS store where they sell BT21 products (and who doesn't love the OG line friends)!!


So we went over my bff's house, laptops in tow ready for the clock to hit 10AM and search for these tickets. Not only did my sister want to travel to another state for the concert, she wanted pit tickets! So of course we were trying for P1. Newark had two dates and two sale websites, so we split up the different options for a higher probability of scoring ticks. Someone on Ticketmaster trying for date one, another for date two, and another on the Powerhouse site for date one.

At 9:59 my heart was seriously beating through my chest. I feel like mentally I wasn't that nervous but my body was out of control. Well the clock hit 10 and we started searching for tickets. Nothing. I wasn't surprised we didn't get P1, but there were literally 0 options- not even nosebleeds. I was also chatting with a friend I made when I lined up for Monsta X tickets but she also wasn't getting anything. It was very similar with Monsta X. I don't understand how nobody around me will score tickets- so who is and how are they getting them?

I was worried but not so much so since the rest of the cities, like Chicago and Fort Worth were going on sale in the next hours and a couple days later West Coast shows would go on sale (so there is a sliver of chance).

Anyways- a grueling, but optimistic, twenty minutes later my bff checked her computer and there they were: two P1 tickets for Newarks Friday show. She quickly handed me her laptop to confirm what she thought was on the screen- I could barely read myself I was shaking so hard.

But yes they were! We quickly made the transaction and sat there in disbelief. What a chance?? If you read my Monsta X ticket experience, you know the kind of luck I struck with getting P1.

Still, we randomly yell BTS P1 around the house (we can't get over it!!). I know all the planning will fall on me, and frankly I feel so nervous to prepare the travel and housing arrangements. But the tough part is out of the way.

We'll see BTS in the fall!

I also want to mention how much KPOP is going on in the states right now!
The Rose in Atlanta later this Month (no tickets, want to go, but broke)
Monsta X in Atlanta in July
Wanna One in Atlanta in June (still need to get tickets- probably not P1)
UP10TION in Atlanta in June
Eric Nam in Atlanta in June
BTS world tour, Got7 world tour
VAV just announced fan meet in Atlanta for the fall
Mad Clown and San E came to Atlanta a few weeks ago

OMG I WISH I WASN'T BROKE 😢

Cue the "wow- I can't believe its been over a month since I posted!"

Guys, I've been "over" being this overweight for like four years now? But I think I always considered myself chubby, still a lil cute. But for the last several months its become almost unbearable. I'm just not happy with my body at all. I don't like to go out, dress up, or see people. I do not take any photos of myself- I haven't existed on a cameral roll for almost two years.

There's been multiple times in the past where I said I'm going to do something about losing weight, but I've never gone through with it. And it's not like I do it for one month and stop, I mean like next day shop for snacks and eat them all in one night. I'm embarrassed to write this- but it's the reality of my life.

I've been "ultra conscious" about losing weight for the last three or four days (w0w, i know lol). Just an hour ago I weighed myself and let's just say I had to do it twice to believe it (I'll be brave enough to reveal later).


A few things have pushed me to have a different approach to my self disgust this time around. First (shallow), Monsta X (my favorite KPOP group) is coming back to Atlanta. I told myself probably exactly a year ago that I wanted to lose weight for the concert. But nothing happened (imagine how much weight I could've lost since then). This time around I got amazing tickets and they include hi-touch. Meaning I will have to face the members and I don't want to do it the way I currently look. Second, I started binge watching clips of TLCs 'My 600lb Life.' I was familiar with the show before, but this time I related to the max. Seeing people so miserable, in pain, and wanting to give up on life really triggered something in me. It's difficult to watch, but the reality is everyone on that show began like me- just slowly putting on those pounds non-stop until they reach 600, 700, 800 pounds. So what would make me any different? Coupled with my family's history of diabetes, cholesterol, and the fact that I take after my grandfather who was very overweight and passed away too early. I just feel it is a wake up call. The third motivation is my Omani mom (host mom 😉) who has lost an incredible amount of weight in the past year. It's seriously so motivating to see someone who is like you in many ways (guilty eating habits included) go so far (her blog). (honorable mention: reddit's progresspic thread! love seeing people's journey).

For now, I'm starting easy with just changing up my diet, eating and sleeping schedule. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that eating less and a little more (okay, a lot more) healthy could make any difference. It's also hard to wrap my head around how long this will take (I have a lot to lose), but it's now or never and time flies!!! I am too young to be living like this. I want to live and enjoy life.

I decided to write this post because my sister said "are you going to blog about?" I said "no" she said "good" then I was like you know what?

Hi everyone! My albums arrived from OKDGG today! They left Korea Friday and got here Monday before noon, what a wonderful time to be alive.
Before I show you my photo cards, some thoughts.

So last week Monsta X had an interview with Sports Chosun and Wonho, Kihyun, and Hyungwon spoke a little about their domestic popularity. They acknowledged that their Korean, as opposed to their international, recognition was weak. You know, the members expressed their hopes and confidence in slowly building up the public's "acceptance."

I think it must be a bit awkward or strange to be in Monsta X's position. Because they do have that certain level of popularity (mostly supported by intl. fans), that they are able to sell high numbers of physical albums (#8 overall in 2017), chart in intl music charts (#1s on itunes, Billboard World Albums, Japan Oricon chart), big social media following (#7 in boy group overall), and are invited to the majority of the award shows (performances included). Yet, as previously mentioned, the general Korean public don't pay them much mind or acknowledge them as a powerful group (thus digital score is weak too, also due to a smaller amount of Kfans). They only won their first music show win last November with The Code.

Comeback Stage

Sugar Man2

Weekly Idol

Amigo TV

I guess we all ask ourselves what they're "not" doing. They said that if they knew the reason for it, they would have already done it in advance. I ask myself- multiple comebacks a year, quality stages/choreography/music for said comebacks, exposure in majority of end of the year shows, for this comeback- exposure on multiple major/public friendly variety shows, members on variety shows, etc. They're still not getting optimal results, what do they have left to do?? I know some people ~hate~ Starship Entertainment, but I seriously feel like they are investing and doing what they can to launch MX to the public. I mean the only immediate reason I can think of is because their music goes a little hard??
Thoughts??

I am writing this two days after it's release! This will be a super scattered/point blank post since I can't get gather my thoughts.
table of contents lol:
- music video opinion
- track opinions
- Jealousy/The Connect Stats
- Monsta X schedule
compilation of their teaser schedule here

Before the M/V came out my heart was beating so fast! It was to be released 6PM KST so 5AM EST. WJSN was scheduled for a live Mwave Meet and Greet at 4AM EST so I watched that before the M/V release (and tapped hearts for MX Vlive comeback show). 5AM came and ah~~~~~

Monbebes, it's that time of the year again and MX teaser photos are coming at me right and left.
They had three comebacks last year, their latest being Dramarama in November. It's been about three months since promotions stopped (which feels even shorter because of end of the year activities) and they're back at it again damn it.


I'll be honest and say that I was having an internal struggle with this comeback and I just wasn't feeling excited for it. I just want them to rest and take a vacation or something. I was also pouring lots of time into WJSN's comeback so the news in the middle of it all felt overwhelming. Good news is I am feeling more excited for the comeback as time goes on.  If you read my last post you know I have tickets for Monsta X's second world tour so lots of things too look forward to over the coming months.

As I did with WJSN's Dream Come True I will be posting all the teaser material leading up to Monsta X's The Connect (album title).  But first! The album details have been released:

BITCH. Today was the music film release and I have -no- words. 

Here is a Twitter Thread of my favorite theory so far: