HEARTC♡RE

God what a scary word!!! :-( Well to fill you in, that's what I am dealing with right now. Don't want to leave you in suspense - I am fine!!! Let's take it from the top.

It's borderline embarrassing to say that this started a little over two years ago now. At the time, I was doing kettlebell exercises and one day I felt a hardness on my back, after showing everyone they're like it's totally a muscle knot. When I went to my regular physical, my doctor said it's probably a muscle knot and to get it massaged, but that she could put an order for an ultrasound in too to confirm. Guess who didn't schedule an appt?? :D 

So anyways time passes on, don't really pay it much mind and don't even remember I have it to be honest. But then this summer, I do a bit of a lifestyle change and lose some weight around my waist or whatever so she's like visible and I am now aware of her presence. I have my physical coming up so I bring it up to the doctor. I say it during the first intake convo/catch up and she's casually like yeah we can check it out and put in that ultrasound request too if needed. Okay, cool cool cool. So she comes over to do the actual physical and as soon as she sees it she's snapping pics and is like okay can you get an x-ray any time today, just so we know what it is before the weekend (it's Friday). And I'm SICK baby, SICK. 20% sick she's suddenly alarmed, 80% sick I didn't do this shit in 2022 . . . (if you need something checked out, go 'head and do it after you finish reading this).

So, I usually take the day off to do all my appointments and had an hour and a half gap between this and my Gyno appt, so I ask if it takes long and they say no so I rush over to the imaging center. Although the x-ray tech didn't SEEM to concerned with my results, I still cried driving 75 North LOL on the way to my next appt. So now it's my Gyno's turn to check me out and she sees it and all casually she's like "Do you think you're going to get that removed" and I'm like okay okay she seems casual and she was! she said it's no biggie. But technically I still don't know that for sure. 

So anyways my primary doctor sees the inconclusive x-ray results and puts in an ultrasound request, I go to my ultrasound and again doesn't really show anything (technically good news!!) and I have some good banter with this tech and he's like yeah probably not anything but of course he's not the final say. So anyways I'm kinda cruising/kinda chill but WHAT IS IT??

So again, primary doctor needs more info so she sends me for an MRI and the results come in and one of the comments say this - 

I think I'm working between an apple and a grapefruit

Well last night after 3 or 4 days of back pain, I can't find a comfortable position to be in bed because it feels achy and like I am going to trigger a spasm. So I decide to lay with my stomach on the floor, my logic is its hard and flat and will help lengthen my spine the most and not be as strained?? Well I am there on the floor for like an hour, between a cries and a sobs (I can LOL now, no worries). 

I mean, I am a self proclaimed drama queen so in moments like these I have a hard time separating what's me wallowing in my self pity and what actually warrants being in a dark room crying in fetal position. Well does anything really warrant that?? But the floor was for posture assistance not the drama production. It's not really the pain itself, but the fact that - 

• why is it suddenly hurting- 
• is there long term damage on my spine or nerves as we speak?!
• do I need to alert the authorities or can I endure it in silence, I would endure in silence because:
• a trip with important events coming up - in less than a week and a half
• it's non refundable (yes $$ is the least of my worries but it was my parents GIFT to me and its naturally a stress factor)
• my bff also booked her month long non-refundable trip 
• if I have to cancel my trip to schedule my surgery sooner than later, I would ruin the peace of mind for the people that care about me most and they couldn't enjoy their trip
• just not mentally prepared for surgery or have all my ducks in a row
• work shit (yes I am a corporate overlord sympathizer) 

Hi all,

I am reporting sudden, devastating news from the Monterrey airport. My sweet aunt, my father's eldest sister, passed away this morning. She had emergency surgery a few months ago in Spring to remove about 5 or 8 kilos of a cancerous tumor. She was seemingly completely healthy and so it was a very unexpected turn of events. From then on, she underwent multiple surgeries, drastic weight loss, and a short but difficult battle with her illness. She had one or two infections, but this last one was so severe that even with rushed surgery, they said only a miracle would be the way she could keep living. 

My dad and I both left work early and booked same day flights to get here as fast as possible. Would you believe today is also the day of one of the largest, if not THE largest, IT interruptions in history? It was a whole thing and I wasn't even sure that if we did book a flight, it would leave/make it on time due to the worldwide delays. But thankfully, we were able to go at a decent calm time and everything went without a hitch for us *insert pray hand emoji*. So it's 11:19pm EST time and our flight departs at 12:51am EST and we'll arrive at CDMX 12:10AM local time. Then we have a 3 hour drive back to our home town (do NOT like driving at night but what can you do). 

My aunt was a very sweet, kind, and thoughtful woman, don't think she had an actual bad bone in her body. We're all human and have our faults, but I don't think anyone could pin anything on her. She stayed with my grandparents, and then with only my grandma after my grandpa passed away. She worked hard all her life, always active and being a busy bee. Nos consentia mucho, whatever we were craving she would make sure we'd get it. She took great care of all the things we left behind, from the biggest toys to the small pens, hair ties, stickers etc. She had a great memory and loved to remind us of all the sweet times we spent together when my siblings, cousins and I were kids. She loved all of us SOOO MUCCHHH. She was an amazing writer and kept a journal I did not even know about until now. Her words touched me so much when I read them. Her dogs, Coca and Golo, were the light of her life. She was a sensitive and beautiful soul. She was an amazing person and was loved by many people in our town. We are devastated by her loss, but we find comfort in knowing she did not suffer and as a family, we did everything we could to ensure she received the proper care both medically and at home. 

Te queremos mucho tia y no puedo creer que ya no estes en este mundo physico, pero se que estas acompanada por tu papa y que nos cuidas desde el cielo. TQM Tia.