State of the Union: Fall 2016

Friday, October 21, 2016

Earlier this week I was editing titles on previous (a year plus) posts to more reflect what they were actually about. As I was skimming through them I noticed that many were about my current life situation, particularly personal and emotional. Although I obviously still write about my life, the majority deal on experiences and opinions, and less so internal monologues.

How am I feeling overall? I'm really good. I'm in a good place, happy with those who surround me, and I feel satisfied about where I am (something that had not been for a while). Stress comes and goes, but I am at peace. But now, at 4:07AM I am feeling like an emotional rollercoaster wreck. Life is always shifting, but some shifts are less subtle than others. My realities are changing, plans I had for myself are doing 360s, what I thought I wanted is no more. Some years are more crucial than others, what I would call the transition years. It takes careful planning to make sure you don't fu*k it up (at least more than it already is). Make responsible decisions to make sure you don't get ahead of yourself and jump the gun.

Because at 22 I am the oldest I've ever been and the youngest I'll ever be, it feels like a pretty big deal. I think 21 and below you're like "cute", and the dumb shit you could get away with then isn't really so "cute" anymore. That's not to say you gotta have it all figured out by then. V and I actually decided that around 25/26 where you have to at least start getting it together. But again, 22+ you ain't cute no more.

Recently a close friend of mine really hurt me. Tensions with friends had happened before, but I think this is the first time I have genuinely felt hurt by someone. On the one hand, it makes me happy to say that the first time I have felt someone let me down is at 22 years of life, I think that's quite lucky. On the other . . . well it sucks. I wonder if I am exaggerating and once there is a confrontation of sorts it will all feel silly. Regardless if that happens, the hurt is real and I won't ignore that fact. Worst part is I am sure they are clueless.

Right now I'm just trying to get through the academic semester as best I can. Legacy, the Catholic young adult group I have been a part of for the last three years, has began. Unfortunately, my faith consists solely of Sunday Mass. I have had absolutely no motivation to dive deeper, but I'm still more than happy to join Legacy so I think that says at least something. We are doing a sort of book club, and it seems to be really interesting so I am excited. I will bring some of the materials we received last year (now to find them). I have some fun plans for my winter break that will hopefully come about. It will certainly be a refresher and there is no doubt it will be thoroughly spent with me over the moon.

6:07AM now. Why did this take me more than two hours?

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