So I am sitting here reading up on the 7 Wonders of the World because I wanted to write a post on how random they seemed to me. Well just now a car alarm starts ringing and it gives me a sudden deep anxiety. Thankfully, I think it will subside when I forget in the next 15 minutes but let me tell you.
I was in the office yesterday and I asked one of my coworkers how they were doing mentally and emotionally (I know they're dealing with depression). They go on to tell me a story of how they went to brunch and apparently high ranking air force officers sat next to them and were chatting about recent drone attacks to our local air-force base that were intercepted. Okay that was a RUN ON sentence. Anyways, coworker continues about this and how it made them really nervous. They also shared what they have seen on social media - calling this the armageddon war or something, the need to pack a "go" or "emergency" bag, how foreign countries are going to hit US soil, how neighboring countries have missiles or weapons from our "enemies" etc etc. I hear them out and empathize with their anxiety, but also take it with a grain of salt because healthy amount of skepticism. Right after, they say sorry if they are making me nervous or worried to which I responded that no, I was fine. Which I was.
Today I went to Target with Karen and we heard a random alarm (almost like the tornado warning). It was low and distant. My first thought is the local air force base since it's just about a mile or two north (Lockheed Martin also has a site there). Then an hour later I was driving out of my neighborhood and saw two military helicopters flying over head and got sick. Mind you - we live so close to the base I see military aircraft pretty often. Shoot, I can hear the base's 8AM Revielle call. We're that close. But with the context of my coworkers story and the random alarm it just makes my mind wander. (does someone know what this alarm is? It's Tuesday and it was a little after 7pm.
But anyways - now I'm triggered by a car alarm.
I just remember years and years ago when someone said during an attack they would probably hit this local base. It was kind of an LOL moment them because it had 0 likelihood.
The saddest part is that when I think of how war on our soil would turn into a living hell - and I just think of the reality that others are living RIGHT NOW. And it makes me FUCKING SICK. So so sick. And I struggle with do I want to know, do I need to know, should I know, etc. You can't turn a blind eye and pretend nothing's happening and live in your little blissful bubble. Maybe you just don't dwell on it to the point of sickness? My solution is always to donate to relief funds - making a tangible impact, but unfortunately my financial situation isn't in a position to do that right now :-(.
Back to war here - this is truly one of my top reasons not to have kids. In any sort of conflict or natural disaster, I could not imagine having to worry about them starving or their psychological state - I can worry about my parents and my siblings! I know, it's a very exaggerated/unlikely/dramatic reason but I think about it often enough. One thing that gives me solace was a Reddit thread I once read on the unimaginable capability of the US military. . . hope they're right. And if that story about the officers are just chatting casually about attacks is true - and not a prank or something because it really just sounds off??? Does something like that happen often enough that we don't know but it's just another Wednesday to them?? IDK.
OKAY I went to Reddit and the lil users pointed out the following, at least on Iran - Iran missiles lack the range to attack, their military does not have that capability, if there is anything it's from sleeper cells or small groups - sort of the domestic terrorist type (which I can see happening but that's isolated). Funny enough - something about an isolated attack doesn't make me too nervous? Like we're a big country with resources and if I'm gone I'm gone. And actually, let's say a country did decide to attack the US and it caught us off guard - I think they'd do like one big thing (not anxiety inducing to me) and then the military would take care of it.... okay we're totally good. My mind went to apocalyptic levels.
Phew - I am keeping this up but now I feel kinda silly for being worried :-D LOL. I know I just wrote a sentence above and it was like 3 redditor comments but it gave me more context to the whole situation and the high unlikelihood of anything happening here. I really wonder what was up with that brunch conversation and I feel so sad for my coworker who is probably just RIDDLED with anxiety (it was this and the state of our economy as a single parent). I also find it so interesting . .. . I mean I KNOW. . . that we all have different social media feeds (DUH!) but something niche where there's a group who's reality is ARMAGEDDON is coming and I am here like .... just here thinking about getting skinny and living whimsy. UGH. If you read this far - thanks for staying for my therapy session. So glad I brought myself down - thank you to writing!!!
picking a far away in history hand to hand combat war photo so it doesn't feel real :D
Yes I have ANXIETYYYY.
OKAY BTW ALSO COMMENT - how way off or not way off am I? What's going on that I am not getting or don't know. Am I delusional. Am I coping. Let me know, plsss.
