Youth & the Disillusionment

Monday, April 11, 2016

A friend and I have a joke about being "sparkly". Our greatest fear, or at least my greatest fear, is loosing my sparkle.

A sparkle is that optimism and joy you have when you are young, like nothing can stop you and you can do whatever you want if you just work hard. Granted, oldies ;) can be happy and all that when they reach oldie age, but I think it takes hard work to maintain the sparkle.

Like for example, let's say you're relatively revolutionary when you're in college and really think you're going to get in the middle of it all and make a difference, live your life according to you, not society's expectations .... but you reach 30 and you just come to the conclusion that living that nomad life you always envisioned isn't really feasible. . you want to have kids so you have to buy that house, get that mortgage. . and you succumb to capitalism's cold, clammy, yet tempting embrace. You don't go for your dream job, because face it, it just doesn't pay enough and you have eat. You don't know when you became jaded.. . but you did. . . . and became every single old person that told you "life doesn't work that way." & then you in turn will start chipping away at another dreamers sparkle.

You know??? No?? .. . . Did I make this up??

I have been getting grilled lately in regards to my career/post graduation plans. They ask and I say well, I don't know. & I get looks like. . . .. "you know it's time and there's not much left, you have to figure it out."

But you know what? I do have an idea. . . I want to go back to Muscat and work there. So maybe I won't want to be there for the rest of my life, but for now, I do. Nothing is temporary and if, God willing, I make it happen I will be happy. & if it doesn't work out, like I said nothing is temporary. I am not confident enough to say this yet because. . . well I don't have a plan and no career in mind. But at the moment I think I prioritize the dreams of living in Muscat, regardless of what will be my position or financial situation at that time. Plus, working for the machine and becoming a machine isn't looking too pretty right about now.

I am young. And if I am passionate enough then I think I deserve a chance.

And I am lucky enough that I have people who support me dearly. Really, I am so thankful for everyone. I cannot imagine life without them. & the support I receive isn't just moral, it's work, time, money. I know others have more and others have less, but I am blessed and thankful for it.

I'm going to read this post at 30 years old (probably 23 lmao) and I'll say HA bitch you thought and my life will be a Lana del Rey album. ... . ok pls no.

but pls, don't get it twisted.... I understand "reality" and "responsibility" but there is a balance.... or if someone wants to join me we can flip the switch on the system.... .


words from a friend:
*I aint no jaded ass n*** although shit happened and shit will happen i wont be jaded. ima do me til i die* #OneHuned

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