6 Times Dogs Were Me

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Here I am having a relaxed night in, eating cheap pizza (I can connect with the little people) on a fine china (Joseon Porcelain 10.5 in) dinner plate, I am snuggly wrapped in my 100% Siberian Goose Down stuffed Mulberry silk blanket contemplating last nights $50K shopping spree on Rodeo Drive and if I can even make it to part 2 on the Champs Elysees a demain. The Netflix and Chill Koozie was gifted to me by one of my fans, and when I'm not drinking Krug Vintage Brut Chamapagne I like to enjoy a simple ginger ale. (& yes, my living room was designed by Benjamin Vandiver himself)

Here I am in my fresh spray tan being chauffeured around in my new black Mercedes Benz G-63 SUV enjoying a freshly picked GA peach I stopped for en route to my newly renovated cabin *coughs* mansion in the N. GA mountains. I think it's worth a mention that my entourage of 5 black equally customized Benz are trailing behind me to celebrate my birthday weekend. Happy Birthdaayyyyyy Mrs. President.

This is me sporting a Onepiece onesie inspired by Kris Jenner's 2015 Christmas look. On my freshly done pedicure are UGG Dakota Classic Suede slippers in the color Tabacco I quickly grabbed a Neiman Marcus. I'm resting on Sferra Capri Honey Egyptian Cotton sheets with a 1020 thread count. Enjoying lightly salted, freshly popped popcorn from my vintage popcorn machine that you can find in my basement movie theater all while talking to none other Leonardo DiCaprio himself on our plans next week to party in Ibiza. (can I get a hell yeah?)

This is me looking out of my resort hotel room from my ski trip in Aspen contemplating whether or not I want to have a soak in the jacuzzi. Truth is my mind was made up and I was just making this post so Annie Leibovitz, who was with my on the trip, would consider snapping my portrait and sneaking it into an edition of Vanity Fair. Unfortunately, I was beat out by Caitylin Jenner. Next time.

We took a quick break from the hustle and bustle of the World Cup in Brazil that year to more relaxed terrain. Here I am photographed in Canton Banos, Ecuador.  I am On the famous "swing at the end of the world" at the Casa Del Arbol. I couldn't take the risk of just sitting unstrapped so I requested our guide to add extra safety precautions. It was an exhilarating experience and had an expansive view of Mt. Tungurahua and the vast Ecuadorian wilderness. 10/10.

And last but not least, this is a quick snapshot of my short lived stunt as a Biomedical Engineering professor at John Hopkins. I won't go without saying that I am sporting Bvlgari diamond studded glasses frames. I had also just layed my Marte Omas fountain pen and replaced it with a generic number two pencil, but the point is I own one and it was made specifically for me. As soon as I left that terrible job though, I took the next flight out to Dubai to relax when I was unexpectedly offered a part time job at an undisclosed Saudi university. & even though it was quite the hefty deal, it still wasn't enough to cover my extravagant lifestyle and I think I've lost my passion for academics.

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