I decided . . . . . . . a post a day for the month of Mayo. Very ambitious but maybe I write an essay or maybe I just say hi.
Let's talk about my traffic ticket. Back in mid-March, I was on my way to the office and decided to take a little detour to grab a coffee 🤓. Well, unfortunately for me, there was a Sheriff behind me, as soon as the light turns green HIS lights came on and I'm like ?? the fuck. Thankfully he didn't turn on the siren because that would've just been SOooO EmbARRASinG. I pull into a parking lot and he tells me he pulled me over due to an expired tag. I truly entered the twilight zone, because officer you must be mistaken - I most definitely have everything in order. So I tell him (yeah I'm shaking in my boots LOL), "officer, I totALLy believe your system but there's NOOO way - may I check?" and bless him, he lets me shakily ruffle through my paperwork (he knows damn well my tags expired) and he's like "no need to be nervous" - I shoot him a stare (no I don't) and keep ruffling. Anyways, he spots my insurance and he's like at least you have insurance (yes officer I'm not some riff raff) and he's like let me get your license. He comes back a short time later - gives me my citation💀 and calls me Miss Ortiz (this has been happening to me since middle school). Y'all I am SICK about this. . . I can't remember if I actually pass by for my coffee at this point or drive back in silence. But I am SICK because ironically, Yuri and I had a conversation about expired tags AND AND I had just taken my moms car for an emissions test and renewed like 3 vehicles/trailers at the tag Kiosk at Kroger.... so that's what sucked that it was NOT intentional. But this is the rollercoaster we call life you know. The officer told me if I got my tag renewed within 10 days the judge may be nice to me, regardless I did it the same day because I really had no business breaking the law.
In the days before my surgery I went up to the court to ask about resolving my ticket - it had been like 13 business days and they still hadn't loaded me into the system.... so I decided to just wait until my court date which was today. I'm the first in line 🫡 and one of the staff grabs my paperwork and places it on the docket. I'm hoping I am up first because your girl needs to get to work and really, I am just not trying to be there till 10am. So while I am sitting in the pews I am practicing how I am going to deliver my plea for a lighter *sentence*, and thinking about how I have to refer to someone as "Your Honor" like I'm some peasant from the 1500s. So I have my ChatGPT lines memorized to about 90%, when the clock strikes 8:30am - and the prosecutor (I am assuming here) calls me up and asks me how I want to plea. I mouse out a "guilty - but I want to speak to the judge" and he's like they're just going to make you pay the fine anyways, and I started mumbling (y'all know how I do) about how I got my tag renewed and he's like You got your tagged renewed? Let me see, and I start YET AGAIN SHAKILY RUFFLING my two documents and he takes a quick glance and he's like I am going to give you a warning this time. :D :D BOY! My good luck has waned down over the last 6 years so this was literally a miracle. So I give him a little *insert concerned Ariana grande eyebrows here* "thank you" and I went on my merry way.
Guys, I am reminded DAILY - DAILY - that I am old now and today was no exception. As I am walking out of the building onto Marietta Square I think "today's my luck day, I better stop and get me a lottery ticket" 😾
