HEARTC♡RE

I think I might've talked about this before, but I know we ALL say "oh I listen to just about everything" or "wow the way my playlist just flips from one genre to another is crazzayzyayzy". Yes that's normal Susie because we listen to different music for different occasions. 

PREFACE: oh my god - in my entire writing history, I have not seen a BETA features notification on this site. Is the Blogger department of Google seeing substack's rise and want to compete against it?? Please say it so, I want the blogspot to live on!!

THIS LIBRA NEEDS TO GO TO THERAPY

Anyways, the amount of self-regulating that I have had to do in 2026 is unmatched to previous years. I can't say I have a mental illness, I also can't say I don't have a mental illness. 

Maybe I am just hormonal, I think that's what it is - and it makes me feel crazy. I have moments where I feel like I must be pregnant because I am so out of control... and even when I have moments where I know I - biologically - cannot be pregnant, I take a pregnancy test because with my luck I'm either the next virgin birth or a sperm from last year clung onto my labia and finally made its way in. 

Regardless, I need to go to therapy but I rather spend my money on marga-therapy (margarita therapy) right now. The last time I checked in with a counseling group, it was going to be $135 a session. I really did not want to start with (a well referred) therapist when I knew it was not going to be financially sustainable for me. I guess once a month therapy is better than no therapy? .. Okay, what I will do is look for a more affordable therapist in the next couple weeks and hopefully get something on the schedule. I am long overdue for professional help. 

In other news! My birthday is one week from now - excited about turning 32!! Stressed about how to spend my weekend, because I haven't gathered my thoughts on HOW EXACTLY I want to spend it but there's an outline. I just need to confirm said outline. 

THE NAILS HAVE HILLS

What I do know, is that I am going to be serving my nail tech, DN, with a lawsuit this week. She went on maternity leave, and I did not listen to her on booking with the salon owner Tony, and I did a walk in and was BOTCHED. I honestly can't even say, and I am sorry I ever did say, that I am chill because I was having an internal meltdown (SELF REGULATING though) as the nail tech was working, I can't remember exactly what DN does but it was definitely not what this lady was doing. Wrong techniques, wrong products, wrong angles, wrong wrong wrong. And you know I am not gonna say anything and pretend I am happy - they actually weren't THAT bad (at least on my left hand), but the cherry on top was toooo much clear coat so I have small hills at the tip of my right side nails. I believe I will be going tomorrow and just ask to have it smoothed out.... or should I go somewhere else and get a completely different set? The lady did just try the best she could. And she said so.

Even my fingers dried shriveled up through the process.

SHE'S KYLIE JENNER (WITH COUPONS)

Speaking of BOTCHED ... I got my first lip filler last week!! I have been thinking about it for the longest, but when Karen mentioned her and her cousin were chatting about it too - I was like LETS DO IT. I was able to take the plunge because I had an upcoming Botox appointment and did a mini consult with my injector. Then there was a Juvederm filler $75 BOGO gift card, then I have $20 in ALLE points, then I did a surprise ALLE scan and got $50 off!!! and my family (jokingly but not jokingly) was requested to all provide $50 each for my birthday lip donation. All aligned for me to say YES TO THE LIPS. 

So I look in the mirror and I am like OMG LOVE!! Then I am like OMG WTF DID I DO!! Rinse and repeat!! I have a week or two left until all the filler settles and I can see my permanent (1 year or so) results. I think I will do a separate post on my lips - more to come!! Oh also, they are not botched... or at least I don't think so. I just get thoughts that I am botched, but it's because I have anxiety. . or maybe they're just normal thoughts you go through as your swelling goes down!

DUCK DUCK GO

As I was writing this post, I realized it was a very DUCK themed weekend. Which reminded me of all the drinks that I have had, which are in turn causing me to gain weight. It's been a very heavy caloric month. Note: I also need to go to therapy for my intense and all consuming fixation on my weight and eating habits. I truly don't think I will ever know freedom. I hope I can look back at this post one day and know I beat the psychosis, but the future is bleak. I truly believe my food noise and whatever else that carries is an illness/addiction for the rest of my life - and if so, I HAVE accepted that, I just need to figure out how to cope and live with it. Back to DUCKS though... have you ever had a soft serve margarita?? I've had 3 the month of September and they were GLORIOUS each time. Highly recommend. I also got a little bouquet of flowers at like 12AM at a local Mexican bar. The kind where a lady comes and is selling them to... couples she spots (*eyes emoji*). I told my company - NO NO BOUQUETS THIS TIME - and when the lady approached us... and I saw the glowing duck... I said "I'll have this one". Geniuses! Did you know... it also comes with a snack pack?? Oh my god - GLORIOUS x2. I swore I took a photo, but I could not find it. The little zip lock bag packed tightly around the stems came with Queso Ruffles, a nut mix, mini twix, mini snickers, starbursts, and x2 mints. I am grateful for all the new experiences September has brought me. Maybe more on that later.. maybe. 

The duck gods treated me well this weekend.

Until next time... (I promise I will look for a therapist, but note I am also hyped on caffeine).