Thursday, May 10, 2018

Cue the "wow- I can't believe its been over a month since I posted!"

Guys, I've been "over" being this overweight for like four years now? But I think I always considered myself chubby, still a lil cute. But for the last several months its become almost unbearable. I'm just not happy with my body at all. I don't like to go out, dress up, or see people. I do not take any photos of myself- I haven't existed on a cameral roll for almost two years.

There's been multiple times in the past where I said I'm going to do something about losing weight, but I've never gone through with it. And it's not like I do it for one month and stop, I mean like next day shop for snacks and eat them all in one night. I'm embarrassed to write this- but it's the reality of my life.

I've been "ultra conscious" about losing weight for the last three or four days (w0w, i know lol). Just an hour ago I weighed myself and let's just say I had to do it twice to believe it (I'll be brave enough to reveal later).

A few things have pushed me to have a different approach to my self disgust this time around. First (shallow), Monsta X (my favorite KPOP group) is coming back to Atlanta. I told myself probably exactly a year ago that I wanted to lose weight for the concert. But nothing happened (imagine how much weight I could've lost since then). This time around I got amazing tickets and they include hi-touch. Meaning I will have to face the members and I don't want to do it the way I currently look. Second, I started binge watching clips of TLCs 'My 600lb Life.' I was familiar with the show before, but this time I related to the max. Seeing people so miserable, in pain, and wanting to give up on life really triggered something in me. It's difficult to watch, but the reality is everyone on that show began like me- just slowly putting on those pounds non-stop until they reach 600, 700, 800 pounds. So what would make me any different? Coupled with my family's history of diabetes, cholesterol, and the fact that I take after my grandfather who was very overweight and passed away too early. I just feel it is a wake up call. The third motivation is my Omani mom (host mom 😉) who has lost an incredible amount of weight in the past year. It's seriously so motivating to see someone who is like you in many ways (guilty eating habits included) go so far (her blog). (honorable mention: reddit's progresspic thread! love seeing people's journey).

For now, I'm starting easy with just changing up my diet, eating and sleeping schedule. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that eating less and a little more (okay, a lot more) healthy could make any difference. It's also hard to wrap my head around how long this will take (I have a lot to lose), but it's now or never and time flies!!! I am too young to be living like this. I want to live and enjoy life.

I decided to write this post because my sister said "are you going to blog about?" I said "no" she said "good" then I was like you know what?

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