HEARTC♡RE

Thursday October 1st is coming to an end, which means were closing day 1 of Q4. Earlier this week when I realized we only had 3 months of the year left I felt so disappointed and regretful. I was looking forward to 2026 like I had never looked forward to a year before. I had so many high hopes and expectations, and now 75% of the year is gone and not only have my goals not been reached, I feel further away from them. Quite literally, fully responsible for not advancing - I can't even blame life or unexpected circumstances. 

The only thing I feel different today vs earlier this week is that I feel a little hopeful. . . okay not hopeful at all, but positive in what is to come the end of the year and what has happened. Because naturally I am so grateful for every day of life - health, family, friends, relationships, experience, etc. It's been great year so far, it just hasn't necessarily been a successful one. 

This week in photos:

1. Post eye appointment Krispy Kreme taste test - Biscoff donut, new Cinnamon roll, and original glazed. Also, it was National Coffee day so the small coffee (black) was free. 

2. Los Hambrientos weekly dinner - this week was El Rey del Taco (10/10). I couldn't have a margarita because I wanted to take a break from the alcohol. Paco ordered one and it was soooooo good - strawberry flavored. I had the carnitas taco plate - which came with 3 HUGE tacos, topped with guacamole, and served with a side of frijoles charros. 

3. $90 Costco haul for the week. 

 So I am sitting here reading up on the 7 Wonders of the World because I wanted to write a post on how random they seemed to me. Well just now a car alarm starts ringing and it gives me a sudden deep anxiety. Thankfully, I think it will subside when I forget in the next 15 minutes but let me tell you. 

I was in the office yesterday and I asked one of my coworkers how they were doing mentally and emotionally (I know they're dealing with depression). They go on to tell me a story of how they went to brunch and apparently high ranking air force officers sat next to them and were chatting about recent drone attacks to our local air-force base that were intercepted. Okay that was a RUN ON sentence. Anyways, coworker continues about this and how it made them really nervous. They also shared what they have seen on social media - calling this the armageddon war or something, the need to pack a "go" or "emergency" bag, how foreign countries are going to hit US soil, how neighboring countries have missiles or weapons from our "enemies" etc etc. I hear them out and empathize with their anxiety, but also take it with a grain of salt because healthy amount of skepticism. Right after, they say sorry if they are making me nervous or worried to which I responded that no, I was fine. Which I was. 

Today I went to Target with Karen and we heard a random alarm (almost like the tornado warning). It was low and distant. My first thought is the local air force base since it's just about a mile or two north (Lockheed Martin also has a site there). Then an hour later I was driving out of my neighborhood and saw two military helicopters flying over head and got sick. Mind you - we live so close to the base I see military aircraft pretty often. Shoot, I can hear the base's 8AM Revielle call. We're that close. But with the context of my coworkers story and the random alarm it just makes my mind wander. (does someone know what this alarm is? It's Tuesday and it was a little after 7pm.

But anyways - now I'm triggered by a car alarm. 

I just remember years and years ago when someone said during an attack they would probably hit this local base. It was kind of an LOL moment them because it had 0 likelihood. 

The saddest part is that when I think of how war on our soil would turn into a living hell - and I just think of the reality that others are living RIGHT NOW. And it makes me FUCKING SICK. So so sick. And I struggle with do I want to know, do I need to know, should I know, etc. You can't turn a blind eye and pretend nothing's happening and live in your little blissful bubble. Maybe you just don't dwell on it to the point of sickness? My solution is always to donate to relief funds - making a tangible impact, but unfortunately my financial situation isn't in a position to do that right now :-(. 

Back to war here - this is truly one of my top reasons not to have kids. In any sort of conflict or natural disaster, I could not imagine having to worry about them starving or their psychological state - I can worry about my parents and my siblings! I know, it's a very exaggerated/unlikely/dramatic reason but I think about it often enough. One thing that gives me solace was a Reddit thread I once read on the unimaginable capability of the US military. . .  hope they're right. And if that story about the officers are just chatting casually about attacks is true - and not a prank or something because it really just sounds off??? Does something like that happen often enough that we don't know but it's just another Wednesday to them?? IDK. 

OKAY I went to Reddit and the lil users pointed out the following, at least on Iran - Iran missiles lack the range to attack, their military does not have that capability, if there is anything it's from sleeper cells or small groups - sort of the domestic terrorist type (which I can see happening but that's isolated). Funny enough - something about an isolated attack doesn't make me too nervous? Like we're a big country with resources and if I'm gone I'm gone. And actually, let's say a country did decide to attack the US and it caught us off guard - I think they'd do like one big thing (not anxiety inducing to me) and then the military would take care of it.... okay we're totally good. My mind went to apocalyptic levels. 

Phew - I am keeping this up but now I feel kinda silly for being worried :-D LOL. I know I just wrote a sentence above and it was like 3 redditor comments but it gave me more context to the whole situation and the high unlikelihood of anything happening here. I really wonder what was up with that brunch conversation and I feel so sad for my coworker who is probably just RIDDLED with anxiety (it was this and the state of our economy as a single parent). I also find it so interesting . .. . I mean I KNOW. . . that we all have different social media feeds (DUH!) but something niche where there's a group who's reality is ARMAGEDDON is coming and I am here like .... just here thinking about getting skinny and living whimsy. UGH. If you read this far - thanks for staying for my therapy session. So glad I brought myself down - thank you to writing!!! 

picking a far away in history hand to hand combat war photo so it doesn't feel real :D

Yes I have ANXIETYYYY.

OKAY BTW ALSO COMMENT - how way off or not way off am I? What's going on that I am not getting or don't know. Am I delusional. Am I coping. Let me know, plsss.

I am pulling out my journal to do a little 2026 resolution check in. . . I already know I am not even doing half :-D. 1. I know I don't use the best of my time, but also 2. I am always so impressed by people with children, significant others, and really demanding jobs that are able to hit their goals and try new things!

This is my year of intentions, hobbies, growth and just a very ME year. 

Off the top of my head in the realm of health:

1. Did not go on my walks the entire month of February (started up again yesterday)

2. Nutrition and gut health - holy shit it took a DIVE and I am up quite a few pounds. 

3. Have not done the Fitness+ workouts at all.

The realm of hobbies:

1. . . . . I subscribed to a year of DuoLingo and have not picked it up after the first week (very shocking!)

2. It's been too cold to go out . . . okay excuse. . . to go do my lil nature learning goals

3. Reading is looking good! Woohoo

4. Literally hopped on this blog because it was part of my goals and I haven't been writing - then I realized it was just 1 a month and I am on track :-D

5. A very big one was learning to cook Mexican dishes and filling out my recipe book and that has been 0000 traction. But I need to learn to bridge the gap between the budget (which I am rough on anyways) and also getting past my phobia. I think this may be the most challenging! I am going to keep her on my radar.

The realm of money:

1. Yay started my budget! Rough ending to February but I am tracking and AWARE.

2. Working on career growth and goals - slow and steady

There's others but that's the general update! If I can't think of what to blog (unlikely) then once a month it'll just be the above haha. 

The year of the horse officially started a couple weeks ago, so let's see my dog + horse fortune: 

(from CNN, click here to see yours!) 

“It is a good star. It brings good luck in money, career and family,” says Chow.

This quiet but powerful stellar alignment means a year of stability and solid rewards for Dogs, especially in terms of finance.

For some Dogs, it may be the year that long-awaited promotion finally happens.

“Their energy with the family will be quite strong this year,” says Chow. “It means better communications among family members. They will likely be getting together more often and enjoying happy events together.”

The one thing Dogs should be mindful of? Stomach and digestive health.

I hope it's right on money, career, and family. I will be content with that trio and I will do my part to try reap rewards!! We'll see :)

Hi guys! 2026 is here and I am so excited! I've spent the last two weeks on PTO (my company closes between Christmas and New Year) and I vlogged those daily adventures on TikTok. I really had the best time spending quality time with friends and family, eating yummy food, crafting, drinking at holiday bars, reading outside, going on walks, window shopping. . . real shopping - just making the best of every hour of the day. 

This year I am really excited to continue diving into some of the hobbies and interests that found me, or came back to me, in 2025. I feel like 2025 was getting a little taste of the vibes and 2026 is just a full embodiment of . . . the vibes of. . . me??? And I do say me, because sometimes we, I, the internet, are like clean girl, hot girl, vampire girl, punk girl, soft girl, boss babe, etc. And I get stuck in the loop of trying to box myself in. For example, when I want a sweet treat - I try to police myself by asking - is this skinny girl behavior? - and then I come back and think "no, who cares, this is Melissa girl behavior and she's gonna have a sweet treat right now" and just keep it moving. So what is Melissa's 2026 energy?

I saw a few "were bringing 2016 back" but for me, it's giving 2006 energy. 5th grade - playing in the creeks by the house, raising caterpillars to butterflies, reading Highlights magazine, children's place clothes (lmao), going to the library and spending the whole time in the language section, a pet rat, obsessed with wanting my own room, magnifying glasses during recess, spending money at the scholastic library, eating croutons like chips, Lisa Frank stationary, keep a fish tank and taking care of little fry, and so on. It's going to be all the aforementioned vibes, but elevated to someone who is in their early 30s and with a little more spare change - travel to see butterfly colonies, learn a new language, read a lot of meaningful books, make my own croutons, work towards my own place, frequent the river. What can I call this? Why do I want to call it something? Can you even get the vibes or is it a stretch? I am looking forward to what I call regressing but it'll also be a time of enrichment... lol I'm droning on now. 

Anyways, one 2026 goal I do have. . . . and have every year. . . is to blog more. To start, at least once a month but hopefully more frequently. 

1. I just slammed 500 grams of carbs at a Hot Pot dinner y me siento FATAL, COMATOSE, DRUNK

2. Big back habit caused me to have a Grande Icd Brn Sgr Shkn Espresso 

• Became over caffeinated 

How would I describe my relationship with Starbucks? If I don't have it, I am not really thinking of it, save for trips and special days. But when I am on a bender - I am on a bender! I forget how good it is and then just keep going back for more. 

Gr Ic Brsg Oat Es of 7/1/2024

One more month until this baby ^ is on the market. 

A quick anecdote on the post title - 

Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday, and like every other year I opted out of watching the game (Usher's half time show wasn't enough to reel me in). I spent the evening with my brother and as we were driving back home from an empty Target, I told him how I was well into my 20s when I made the connection that the SpongeBob Bubble Bowl episode was about the Super Bowl. And it's not even a reference or inspired by - they are LITERALLY playing at a Super Bowl game (ugly looking fish and all). And as it turns out, he, who I consider pretty apt at these kinds of things, came to the same realization at that moment at his 24 years of age, LOL.  Another victim of being raised outside of the all American experience. He did make a small connection of it, but considered it an art imitates life matter - rather than well . . . . . just SpongeBob performing at the half time show.

"Sweet Victory" by Band Geeks 😉 From arguably one of the best SpongeBob episodes to exist. 

Hi all,

I hopped on to share the thoughts and emotions of my heavy heart. A Hamas led attack on Israel has led to a humanitarian crisis - Israel committing war crimes against the people of Gaza. 

Although I am focused on work during the day, at night when I have a chance to scroll through social media uninterrupted - I am a witness to all the atrocities being inflicted on the Palestinian people. The content and stories being shared are overwhelming and heartbreaking. I do not want to dive into the details as I am sure if you are reading this you are aware and can see for yourself (although I must say I am shocked, albeit shouldn't be, by the propaganda and misinformation from the Israeli government, the US, and the mainstream media). 

I am asking myself - why do I feel this crisis on such a deep level when other current events of human suffering and oppression are so rampant? I understand that some get more publicized online than others, but that should not make a difference to it's effect on my conscious. . . .

But whether it's right or not, like many things in life for many of us, there is a personal and longstanding connection to Palestine in my life. It has only been a little more than 10 years since I became aware of the movement to free Palestine, all my adult life, but it was the first movement where I truly connected with a cause of that magnitude - apartheid, oppression, genocide, war crimes, torture, surveillance state, and just what it means to live in an occupied state where there is no freedom, no opportunity, and have your life and your family's lives in the hands of government, military, and often times civilians who want you wiped off the face of the earth. . . . the statements I read then and have read now . . . I just cannot do them justice with my insignificant words. 

I am grappling with my anger and hopelessness for those that are living this reality of colonization and oppression and also questioning what I am doing to contribute to help. 

The weather has cooled down here and I am in long sleeves, pants, thick socks and under three layer of blankets. . . just thinking of those poor children and the community in the rubble and cold. . . with no water, food, power, or medical supplies. . . is this just it? For one, I listen to their stories, what were their hopes and dreams so they can know that they were heard if even just by me. . . I donated a measly $20 to a charity. . . via Paypal with a delivery ETA of sometime in late November. . . (it is mid-October) that really just pissed me off. . . but as of now no aid can enter Gaza anyways so I guess it doesn't make a difference . . .but is this just it? Is this all I can do? Will calling make a difference when President Biden is standing behind Israel 100% and sending military backup and millions, if not billions, of dollars?? 

In a way it takes me back to the university days where I could dream a little bigger - think more radically and involved and have a hunger to make a difference . . . while now, not so much, sometimes do the disservice of scrolling away from news (it's not hard to take a moment to listen and learn of the stories in my cushy and comfortable room or office). 

For a couple years now I have debated and wondered if having children is something that I want in my life. Is it selfish, is it natural? I know the world and the economy are always going to be fucked in one way or another - but that doesn't mean that I should want to raise children in it. And as someone that is currently okay with taking the that childless path - I wonder if this is my opportunity or calling to change my trajectory to doing something bigger than myself. It is hard to think that one can make a difference  . . . coupled with my own self doubt of what the fuck can I do. . but then it's like WELL SHIT people do it all the time and make a difference (because if they didn't then this world would be fucked 100000 times more and I recognize there are some very beautiful things and in some ways getting better). And even if it's not ground breaking contributions - just touching a few lives . . . isn't that more than enough? 

I am not sure, where I am headed with all this - but it is something that I just had to get off my chest and maybe help my mind stop racing and spinning in circles. I think I just have way more to think about then I have allowed myself to these last few years. 

 It's Tuesday, Jan 5th. AKA GA Sentate run-off election day. It's 10:46PM- I'm sleepy but I'm cruising through Twitter, Whatsapp, and the news. 

11:28PM and the NYT are projecting Pretty Likely that both of Warnock and Ossof will be taking it home. Whoop Whoop! Still slightly too soon to make the call for Ossof, but everyone is pretty confident. 

12:13AM and I'm on episode 4 of Dream Home Makeover. Waiting for one more update on the election results and I'm going to call it a night. Zzzz.

*Why did this turn into a quasi-twitter feed*

Happy New Year! Posting some art from artist, Stephanie Deangelis that I loved.

I'm 25 and I've just now truly discovered the wonders of caffeine.

Well yes and no. I realized long ago that drinking a cup of coffee could easily send me into an anxiety filled episode (I don't usually deal with anxiety so it does strike me as strange). Apart from the fact that anxiety sucks, the waves hit me long after I've finished the drink and I'm left wondering why the hell I feel a sense of impending doom.

On the morning of my 21st birthday, I was sitting in Costa in Muscat and soon after drinking a caramel macchiato I had the most wonderful quarter-ish life crisis. It was lovely. Just this past Sunday night I was crying on and off for about 20 minutes reflecting on my job, my future, all of the above. Yes, I did look manic. It didn't help that I was watching a 10 year old YouTube video of a sweet 93 year old woman cooking Depression Era meals. Cue the reflections on age, death, world poverty, and humanity. All because I couldn't resist drinking the most delicious vanilla iced coffee in existence (Sunny's Bagel and Deli on Barrett Parkway). Oh my gosh it's so good. As my sister put it, "It's like I'm drinking satin."

sausage egg & cheese everything bagel, cuban sandwich, and the best damn iced coffee

I know some of you may say, "but Melissa- on more than 73 occasions I've seen you throw down a large Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee like it ain't no thing". Relax ✋, I've also asked myself why I can manage when it comes to DD. I've come to the conclusion that the cream and sugar contents just overshadow the amount of coffee in the drink (and that's probably while I love it so much #DunkinDonutsOrDeath).

But, there is good news! I've discovered my caffeine threshold and *gasp* it increases my productivity at work (although I'm still debating on whether it's really affecting me or I have a placebo effect going on- probably the first one).

I was at work one day and just thought I could really go for an iced black milk tea or Thai tea right about now. Soon after, this little light bulb just went off in my head. So I stepped into the break room, placed a black tea k-cup in the Keurig, brewed it and added a little sugar and a creamer single and voila ..... black milk tea. It took me a fraction of a second to go from "oh my god my wonderful invention" to "oh my god this is literally just how your average Brit takes their tea."

Regardless, I haven't looked back and that cuppa is my perfect recipe for a boost of energy without the jitters. I don't drink it daily because deep down I still fear it, but I am very satisfied.

ignore my huge stirrer

Another source of caffeine deliciousness has been from the mobile espresso bar pop up we've had at our building for the last month or so. They were only in our building once a week for the month of October, but due to demand they will be there about 2 or 3 days out of the week- yay! I always get their chai latte, it's so creamy, rich, and always the perfect temperature. I can't describe it, it's a total pick me up. A few weeks ago I went to Starbucks because I was thinking about a chai latte and . . . . I couldn't even drink it- it was SAD. But with Fuel Coffee's chais I genuinely have to stop myself from getting a second before they leave at 2PM. As a mobile bar, Fuel Coffee does all kinds of events and I'm really just thinking of any occasion I can host so that I can book them (thank you Carlos for existing and making my morning each Thursday).



Coming Soon- My Podcast Playlist

Updating from the office (lunch break)!



I've always been super grateful for having amazing and supportive parents. They're the reason I have been able to travel, live abroad, and graduate college debt free. None of it has come easy, and they have made so many sacrifices to be able to make that happen. Because of all their help (heart heart heart) I've never really had any responsibilities/burdens that would hold me back from being able to, say, quit conventional life and live off the grid in the Appalachians.

Until now because I just bought a new car - whoop whoop-. 

I know, pat on the back for doing something everyone does. But I really am happy and excited. . . and nervous. As my first real financial burden, best believe money feels a tiny bit different now and my budget is laid out beautifully color coded on an excel sheet.

Nando in 2014. university parking pass here and new car has an office building parking pass.

My parents bought my ole' lil' Honda so I could get to and from school back in 2012. It's been a nightmare lately so it was definitely time to move on. I had car anxiety just making my 9 mile commute to work. The Honda's radio turned off/locked when I went to Oman the first time back in 2015. . . . didn't have the code to unlock it so I went almost 4 years without music coming from my speakers. When I bought my car last Saturday, my siblings (brother) inherited my terrible car by default. Guess who fixed the radio the next day??? FOUR YEARS I WENT WITHOUT IT AND IT WAS FIXED SO QUICKLY.

*sigh* Oh well.

Now I can listen to music! Ride over bumps on the road without thinking I'll die! Feel comfortable turning on the A/C & heat! Feel comfort sitting in that 5PM traffic.

Woohoo-

it's my dad's birthday!

Melissa